#GOLDILOCKS JUST RIGHT HOW TO#
#GOLDILOCKS JUST RIGHT TRIAL#

They say only part of what’s on their mind - they understate their views for fear of hurting others, or they sugarcoat their message.

When it comes to sharing touchy information: Most conversations start on autopilot with friendly small talk, but in high-stakes conversations, your emotions kick in and you don’t do as well. Remember, it’s important that everyone’s information, no matter how controversial, be included in the shared pool. Sharing your point of view when you have something difficult to say isn’t easy, but you can learn to do it successfully. Here’s how sharing your stories and stating your path can help you express yourself, and get a handle on what you need to say. On the other hand, the Goldilocks test may have told you that you need to share more information. Adjusting to the Goldilocks Test: Share Your Stories Just be aware that your observations and stories could be flawed. At the same time, you shouldn’t pretend to be less confident than you are. You’re tentative because your opinions may not be totally accurate or your information may be incomplete. Conversely, the more tentatively you speak, the more open people become to your opinions.īeing tentative isn’t manipulative. Speaking in absolutes decreases your influence. In fact, when talking with people holding opposite opinions, the more convinced and forceful you act, the more resistant they’ll be. If you’re overly assertive, your information won’t be accepted (won’t make it into the pool). You soften the message because you’re trying to add meaning to the pool, not force it on people. Speaking tentatively also means sharing in a way that shows confidence in your conclusions, but that also suggests you’re open to challenges. For example, start with phrases indicating you’re sharing an opinion, not asserting a fact: “In my opinion…”, or “I’m beginning to wonder whether…” (rather than, “The fact is…” or “It’s obvious to me that…”). Speaking tentatively means telling your story as a story, not presenting it as an incontrovertible fact. You’ll get people to listen if you describe both your facts and stories in a tentative, non-dogmatic way. Let’s say the Goldilocks test told you to soften your message.

#GOLDILOCKS JUST RIGHT HOW TO#

Once you use the Goldilocks test to determine the state of your conversation, your next steps are to figure out how to change your approach, and what might help. Instead, say: “I’m starting to feel like you don’t trust me. For example, if someone insists on telling you how to do something, don’t say: “I’m not stupid, you know.” (too hard) or “I know I’m a klutz, but…” (too soft). Your presentation should be neither too hard nor too soft, but just right. You can use it at any time to test how you’re approaching a conversation, and how the other person is perceiving you. What is the Goldilocks test? You may have heard of it applied to other things, but the Goldilocks test works for crucial conversations, too. Keep reading for tips on adjusting your communication approach, and examples of how to use the Goldilocks test.

The Goldilocks test is just what it sounds like-like the story, your method of communication shouldn’t be too hard, or too soft.

What is the Goldilocks test? What does it have to do with crucial conversations?

#GOLDILOCKS JUST RIGHT TRIAL#

Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading. This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of 'Crucial Conversations' by Kerry Patterson.

Goldilocks just right